The People We Meet

Today you met someone. Today I met someone. Did I meet you? Maybe you met me? Maybe we’ll meet tomorrow, or maybe we won’t.

The reality that isn’t before us, behind us, or between us is also the reality we can choose to deal with constantly. We can choose to accept our happenstance of constant encounters with one another as simply that, or as something more.

Whether in fact these encounters are something more is totally dependent on our actions in the moment. Did you smile at me today? Maybe I smiled back. Maybe you didn’t smile, but I can tell you I definitely did.

The advantageous precludes the honnorable

What happened to decency? Did it just up and leave the table of human interaction? No, every so often it shows up to the party in the form of a kind stranger holding a door open, or someone saying "you're welcome" when you respond "thank you" to their service done. So then, why has decency become less and less frequent? Does the difficulty of being honest and selfless in hard situations play a part? I think so.
I myself am guilty of trying to please everyone simply so I don't have to look like a villein, only to realize that I have lied and failed to be up-front with the people I was trying not to upset. Being honorable means answering to yourself and doing the honest thing. I think people are so afraid to let others down they forget that our actions always catch up with us.
So why am I writing this? It is because tonight was just another reminder of how it is becoming increasingly difficult to find good friends, and how when you've found them you probably will leave them under appreciated at some point. This is inevitable. Reminding them that you haven't forgotten your appreciation is up to you. To all my true friends: I love you.

What does "off the rails" really mean?

Sitting listening to Icky Thump with a cold cappuccino from Bridgehead trying to finish an accounting assignment I realize my life has become slightly derailed somewhere along the way. I don't know where this happened and I don't know exactly when I found out, but there are a few indicators to this crisis (I'm not calling it that, I'm just using someone else's description....so I am using it). The first would be the random thoughts (see previous sentence). The second would be my ever-growing (aka never shrinking) to-do list both at work and at home. The third to infinite (minus the in-between points I care not to write at the moment) would be my chaotic inner feelings. Hope? Despair? Fear? Anxiety?
Quite frankly, I feel like a top that has been spun.
So...what will I do?? I first will finish listening to this album as I finish this assignment. Tomorrow I will go to work. Friday night I have no idea about. The worse thing is I will spend more time figuring out what I want to do after work than actually doing anything. Metric is playing tomorrow at Bluesfest. I think I want to dance.

Workmates, Pools, and a Wii

Yesterday was the most fun I've had with my direct colleagues since I've started. On Friday we had the third team-building session since I joined the team in October. We went to one of the team member's houses for swimming, hot tubbing, a BBQ, and of course to play Wii. The house was beautiful and featured an amazing kitchen, a baby grand piano, and a pretty intense multi-room sound system. There was also a beautiful pool that eventually everyone ended up hanging around. By the time everyone was fed with some excellent Barbecuing, the hot tub and pool had been fully utilized, and a few people had left, 5 of us headed downstairs to play the Wii. From about 8pm 'till 12 we enjoyed this wonderfully social gaming system. As I enter my last few weeks of work I am glad that I was able to enjoy such a good time with the people I work with. We really opened up and shared some good laughs. I am going to miss everyone at my work.

There's a lot in here

My head is filled with thoughts of Ottawa, my internship, concerts, relationships, family and occasionally food. As time flies by I am seriously beginning to realize what little time I have left in Ottawa before I leave. Right now I am at the end of a wicked festival which I will finish writing about tomorrow.
Today I have decided to isolate some of my feelings and write about them here. In going to all the concerts, movies, work, etc. I have met a tone of wonderful people and seen many wonderful things. I have come to love Ottawa and the people living in this city. I have lived here for just about a year now and I can honestly say that Ottawa has made a lasting impression on me.
Currently I am starting to face the inevitable goodbyes and heartache. I feel an emotional drain any time I leave someplace I have stayed for awhile. I think this is partly due to my innate drive to make profound connections with all those around me. And, while such connections do eventually cause temporary heart break, I welcome the risks. I want to emotionally extend myself so I can say I not only existed someplace, but I really lived someplace; I felt my surroundings and breathed its offerings.
I have learned that life is about the connections you make with those around you and what you do with those connections. In these last weeks in Ottawa I hope to solidify my connections and let so many of the beautiful people here know how important they are to me.

Repitition

It has been 3 days since my last post. This is the longest time between posts for me. "Oh, don't worry about that," you say. I do though. I worry considerably. Late at night. With a night light on and a whimper in the background.
Okay, it's not that bad. However, as a man of organization, order, and schedules, this lapse in posting has me slightly concerned. The concern stems not only from that, but that neglecting this one thing in my life really is symbolic of what has been going on with the rest of my life.
The past week has been chaotic internally for me. Externally things seem relatively normal, however inside I am fuddled. It is as though I have a long list of to-dos that is continually changing order and moving in and out of focus, blurred by the fact that I have concerts to attend and am indecisive about how to tackle my monster of a list.
The concert thing is a welcome obstacle. I look at the Capital Idea! Festival as a marathon of daily concerts that will last for 10 days. I've conquered two of those days and already can tell that I will have to utilize this weekend for some much needed errand running if I am to survive. The next days of posting will also centre around this topic. So, hopefully I can bring some regimen back to my life, enjoy the concerts, and not let everything else fall apart. I will diligently keep you informed.

Arguments are moot?

So I went for a late meal last night with my two friends Savanna and Katie. It was good to have a relaxed meal with these two amazing girls and share some laughs. The two of them had been working 'till 9 that night and I had been working all day and night and getting quite frustrated. A break was definitely in need.
Over the meal we got to talking about arguments and whether or not there actually was any benefit to them, or just sources of frustration and anger. Some popular topics of argumentation arose as examples - religion, language. I citied the specific meaning of words as both a common misconception that causes arguments and the question: "Do words have definitive or transient meanings?" one of my many frequented arguments.
One thing I made clear last night and I will make clear now is that I like to debate (I'm on my school's debate team) and question everything. I also know that this can annoy other people, so I try to limit these activities to the right audiences.

What I realized through our conversation is that when most people are arguing their point there are a few things that commonly occur:

1) People don't listen to the other point as way to say, "My point is right because I don't even have to listen to you"

2) People don't give up and will stubborly argue their point to the point of anger

3) Most people see arguments as a fight rather than an exploration of truth negative.

As you can tell, these three realizations would identify arguments to be commonly perceived as negative. I wish it wasn't this way. Maybe argumentation is a lost form of conversation, but I would rather not give up but rather try to curve the perception back to the essence of argumentation - an attempt to discover the truth of a two-sided issue. If people would practice more tolerance (at least conversational tolerance) then perhaps arguments wouldn't have such a negative aurora. I think the real problem is people's unwillingness to listen to someone telling them they are wrong.

I would ask these people, "What gives you the right above someone else to speak your version of the truth?" Because, really, what we say is "truth" is something quite personal to ourselves. We are all individuals with our own unique perceptions of the world. We discover through exploration and conversation. Rather than sacrificing such a great tool -argumentation - we should practice more tolerance. It is hard to say, "I may be wrong here," or at least, "Even though this point is completely the opposite of what I believe, it has just as much right to be heard as my point," but for the sake of truth, justice, and some really great arugments (and yes, even some poor ones) thinking like this is necessary.

Thursday or Friday?

Work was hectic today for a variety of reasons. I had a deadline for multiple product substitutions to the government. I slept in and arrived late. People were all over the place and there was a general sense of disarray. The work setting wasn't one filled with stress more than it felt unconducive to getting work done.
Yesterday seemed like a prelude to what would happen today. I met in the morning with my colleague Ted. We went over the products I would be substituting and set some goals. That afternoon I would meet with him again and on of our technical aids, Barry. The first deadline of getting these updates ready for the technical review was fast approaching and I fervently worked to get them done. Our meeting went much longer than planned but once again I left with some goals and a sense of accomplishment.
Today was the day I was supposed to get the substitutions sent in. I spent all day working on them. In the middle of the day I had lunch with a few co-workers, one of whom was leaving for Montreal this evening. As they drank beer and me soda the feeling that comes with Friday's began to sit in - the relaxation, the anticipation of no work, the questions of "What will you do this weekend". Once returning to the office the same sentiment grew inside and I began to confuse myself.
After work I ended up going to a local pub for diner with a few guys and we all agreed that it did feel like Friday. I actually had to ask someone if it wasn't Friday. He said it was and I cursed him inside. I guess I answered my own question and now will have to suffer working through a Saturday.

Children on the Bus

Sometimes children just want to be loved. It doesn't matter how, or why, but sometimes it will matter who does the loving. There are a few people in our lives that we will always want to love us no matter what. The best example I can think of is parents. They are the first people we look up to. They our are first guides, leaders, and, for awhile, the only people we have to depend on in the world.
Today on the bus I watched two sets of mothers with their young sons. The mothers both looked like they were single. The sons both looked to be 4 years old. One of the sons yelled swear words to his mother and the other bus patrons, fought, cried and whinnied continuously. The mother ignored the child for the most part while talking on her mobile, only paying enough attention to use her son's actions as a humorous anecdote with the caller.
The other child cooed and smiled pleasantly in his stroller as mom spoke calmly to him without ever using a condescending tone. Even when the son misbehaved the mother attentively said "no" with only a loving tone in her voice.
As I observed all these events transpire on my bus ride I could see that Son A was envious of the love received by Son B. It is a simple concept that is easy to understand: Love those around you and let that love control your actions. Yet, for a variety of reasons, we get lost in other elements of our life that make us forget to love. We forget love's power, but we never stop wanting to be loved.
I hope that you are receiving the love from whoever it is you want to be loving you. I love my parents, my sisters, my family, my friends. I try to tell them that I love them, but more importantly, I try to show them I love them in all my actions.

These are the Days

I've been in a chamber of a body for 22 years. This is my vehicle. I'm a man that is alive and my choices are all mine to make. Things haven't always been that way, and they still aren't always that way.
Yet here, in this haven of open thought I may be able to pass on what I would call things that are my own. I am free from the rest of the world's pressures now and can say all that it is I want to say. As the days go on I will continue to write about all that comes to me.
I will write my love and my dreams. I will write my life. You can read. You can comment. We can all connect and stay close. We can all grow. However it is is how it is.