3am and I'm thinking

I love the late night blog. I love the silence of the late hour. The hour later than the drunk people wandering home. The hour later than the end of the midnight movie. The hour where things are really quiet, and suddenly thoughts of the day start to awaken. Now, as I sit in my easy chair in my living room; As the sound of the aquarium and my fingers on the keys are the only sounds; As a shaded lamp and a glowing ornamental star and my computer screen are the only sources of light, I begin to think. I think about how I need to spend more time on my school work. I think about how I need to speak my mind and not feel awkward that people may find that inspiring. I think about how, while I do need to organize quite a bit in my life, I am fortunate to know a lot of what I want out of life. While I may sit and brood about some of the more difficult things I am going through, in the back of my mind one word tells me to think differently - perspective. I need to accept that I can't really control the amount of school work, I can't change how people react, but I can change my reaction, and while I may not be in all the relationships I want, I do know the kinds of relationships I am looking for. People may disappoint me in the days. Often I find myself shaking my head at them when I come home after a late night. But then I think about some of the amazing people. I think about my friends that are extremely loyal and kind to me. I think about the new friends I am making and how fortunate I am. I think about the kind things people say to me and other people. Just tonight someone told me they read this blog and found it very sweet. In one of my last posts a friends that now lives on the other coast about to make movies told me that he finds me inspiring. I think this shows that we can inspire each other even in the hard times. Just writing about such simple yet happy moments has made me feel much better about everything. Now, in the middle of the night I am smiling rather than frowning.